I was not planning to blog anymore this week, it being a little busier than normal, but I couldn't help myself when I read this. I have enjoyed reading MckMama for a few months now, praying along with thousands of others when her son was very sick; and now that he is better, her writings on life as it happens. When I read her latest post, I just felt like we were sisters. We totally feel the same way about our role as moms.
Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. For me there was no other option, so much so that I had decided if God really did want me to be single, I would be a missionary to the far reaches of the jungle, where smiling white babies would not be reminding me of what I had missed out on. God was gracious, even through my selfishness, and blessed us with 4 precious children. For those of you who know me, those babies came at a price; I was on bedrest for months with all of them, and then each of them came prematurely and spend weeks and months in the NICU. Basically with each baby I lost a year to the sofa and the hospital. This was not what I had planned; I wanted a minimum of 6 little ones running around. ( I would have been happy with 8...10...12!) God has seen fit to only give us four, and at this point, it looks like this is all the arrows He has chosen to bless us with.
Some days my arms ache with emptiness; I have struggled in this area with being content. But God is good and I am usually not sad for long because there tends to be someone around that I can grab for a hug. Which brings me to the above linked post. It touched my heart, because from the beginning I have felt the same as she. In the midst of the hurt knees, piles of laundry, toys on the stairs and spilled milk I have one consistent thought...someday, I will miss this. I know it is easy to say that about the hugs, the sticky kisses and sweet moments, but I have that thought even in the rough times. I am not sure if it is from my harder birthing of them, but I often think someday, I will miss this. I have even told my husband that I will miss the diapers, (and I still do!) the fevers, the toys everywhere, the 5 loads of laundry...don't get me wrong....I do have bad days and struggles as a parent. But I do find myself thinking many times a day, someday, I will miss this.
So hug your child, be thankful for them and remember the blessing and joy they bring to your life. And remember too that God is sovereign and even though life might not go in the direction we want, His grace is sufficient.