Someday, I will miss this

I was not planning to blog anymore this week, it being a little busier than normal, but I couldn't help myself when I read this. I have enjoyed reading MckMama for a few months now, praying along with thousands of others when her son was very sick; and now that he is better, her writings on life as it happens. When I read her latest post, I just felt like we were sisters. We totally feel the same way about our role as moms.

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. For me there was no other option, so much so that I had decided if God really did want me to be single, I would be a missionary to the far reaches of the jungle, where smiling white babies would not be reminding me of what I had missed out on. God was gracious, even through my selfishness, and blessed us with 4 precious children. For those of you who know me, those babies came at a price; I was on bedrest for months with all of them, and then each of them came prematurely and spend weeks and months in the NICU. Basically with each baby I lost a year to the sofa and the hospital. This was not what I had planned; I wanted a minimum of 6 little ones running around. ( I would have been happy with 8...10...12!) God has seen fit to only give us four, and at this point, it looks like this is all the arrows He has chosen to bless us with.

Some days my arms ache with emptiness; I have struggled in this area with being content. But God is good and I am usually not sad for long because there tends to be someone around that I can grab for a hug. Which brings me to the above linked post. It touched my heart, because from the beginning I have felt the same as she. In the midst of the hurt knees, piles of laundry, toys on the stairs and spilled milk I have one consistent thought...someday, I will miss this. I know it is easy to say that about the hugs, the sticky kisses and sweet moments, but I have that thought even in the rough times. I am not sure if it is from my harder birthing of them, but I often think someday, I will miss this. I have even told my husband that I will miss the diapers, (and I still do!) the fevers, the toys everywhere, the 5 loads of laundry...don't get me wrong....I do have bad days and struggles as a parent. But I do find myself thinking many times a day, someday, I will miss this.

So hug your child, be thankful for them and remember the blessing and joy they bring to your life. And remember too that God is sovereign and even though life might not go in the direction we want, His grace is sufficient.

Comments

  1. I hadn't yet read that post of MckMama's until you mentioned it (love it)... but what's funny is this:
    Last night my little boy was up sick much of the night. And while a lot of moms I know would be grumpily pulling on their robe to give out a dose of tylenol and let the kid cry themself back to sleep... I *love* nighttime calls with my boy. I love running into his room to cheer him up, cuddle him, and (like last night) occasionally spend the majority of my night rocking him in the glider. As much as I don't like him being sick and feeling icky, I love the mid-night opportunities to spend extra moments with my little boy. My little boy who is growing up way too quick. Who is already trying to outgrow this mommy's arms. Who has stolen every little corner of my heart.
    As I was rocking him last night, I actually started to cry - I was beginning to fall asleep and I was frustrated at myself! I wanted to enjoy every moment of holding him, and letting his sick little head rest against my chest while we rocked. Because, I told myself, these days are fleeting and I am going to miss this far too soon.
    But I dozed. :)
    Love to you, Charlotte. It sounds like our hearts are similar - and I'm going to remember to include you in my prayers more often. (((hugs)))

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  2. Love this post.

    I recommended a few songs to you on LL. You've probably heard them, but they are just what you're speaking about.

    God is good!

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  3. I love this post and I really loved McMama's as well! I was thinking this very thing as I rocked Kara to sleep in the middle of the night last night, half awake. Maybe I'll blog about it :)
    I didn't know that about your babies. How scary! What a brave Mama you were and what a good God to keep the 4 of them healthy!

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  4. Melissa and Stef, I totally loved middle of the night cuddles! When a couple of mine would get fevers they just wanted to lay in my arms and I loved it, because we would sit like that for hours...and usually hugs and cuddles only last a few minutes.

    Thanks, Dawn for those two songs...I am going to wait until later to listen to them because I aill probably need a box of tissues near me! :)

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  5. What a sweet and wonderful post Charlotte! It does all go by too fast. It has been hard for us knowing that we may only experience all those things one time with one child, but we are oh so blessed to experience it at all! And as much as I miss the precious moments that pass, I look forward with great anticipation to the precious moments still to come!

    Hugs!!

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